Once, Jess was a semi-famous mommyblogger. With giveaways and product reviews and thrilling information about the under 5 crowd. This blog is not that. Not sure what it is, but it is not that.

Jess has two daughters; The Red Squawk and The Blonde Bother.

One husband (that she knows of – it is a little blurry).

Two cats – a Maine Coon / NFC named Frederick Fauntleroy Fancipants and an   uncommon everyday Tabby named Trixie La Rue.

A giant freakin’ moose of a dog named Johannes “Joe” Gutendog.

There is also an uppity beta that goes by the name Shark Bait.

She also has a not-yet-met border collie named Walter.

Jess lives on the west coast.

Someday she will run a print-shop out of her garage on a slew of semi-restored letterpress machines.  Soon she will run a print shop out of her garage on a C&P letterpress and is in the process of procuring one. She is the proud owner of a 1929 Naval Chandler & Price Letterpress named “Gertie.” Someday she will tend her herd of Tennessee Fainting Goats, but will name her press shop after them in the meantime.

And possibly take on a Sister Wife because someone has to clean up this mess.

• I post frequently, occasionally and sometimes not at all.
• I am communications (writing, editing, social media, marketing, print & online) professional who managed to keep the resume fresh while raising babies by working half time, part time and in the wee hours of the morning.
• I am getting more and more liberal with age, just to prove Baby Boomers wrong.
• I am a nice person (read: total nerd). I loves nerds. Anyone who can fly their freak flag is good with me.
• I speak snark fluently and occasionally may toss in colorful language. Avert your eyes.
• I am not particularly religious (in the way my generation defines it) but I am an Episcopal clergy spouse. This allows me to mock it, embrace it and take lofty opinions on it. This also means I have a lot of friends who are ordained, which is arguably cool and weird at the same time.
• I have not yet burst in to a ball of blue flame, despite bets being taken to the contrary.

• I loves me the bacon. Smoked nitrate-filled meats are the god’s way of telling us that they love us, want us to die soon and visit them on Valhalla.
• I will be a great eccentric someday. Mostly to horrify my daughters.
• I rode out the dot.com boom of the late 90′s in Seattle and loved the ride but was not crazy about the carnies. Carnies … small hands.
• I have a great relationship with my family and adore every last freakin’ nutty one of them.
• I married a big Irish-German boy and have children who don’t tan.
• I wanted to be a cruise director when I was a child. This speaks volumes about me.

• I love almost all music. I think I sound like Pat Benetar once I have had a few glasses of wine. This is not a good thing.
• I believe flirting means you are not dead.
• I have two small tattoos in pretty much the same place and do not regret either one.
• I am really good at being a mom and thank my daughters for that discovery.
• I physically can’t have any more children and wish people would stop asking me if I am going to “try for a boy.” Boys are smelly.
• I think jealousy is the worst of human emotions and really unattractive in all forms. I got that out of my system by the time I was 20 and it has served me well.

• I believe the only thing that is “not my job” is the litterbox. Hello – gross.
• I am an open book. Especially in the TMI category. You will always know exactly where you stand with me – unless you are paranoid. And you probably are.
• I am well-traveled and hope to pass the world on to my daughters so they can be well-traveled too.
• I believe in the extended family, loyalty and taking care of your people.
• I would have made an excellent Mafia Don. Or dictator of a small country. Benevolent of course.
• I collect first edition, signed Nick Bantock books. And Ted Lewy 1950′s postcards from Children’s Fairyland in Oakland, CA.

• I loves goats. Loves them.
• I think there is no better attitude adjustment than black boots and red lipstick.
• I really enjoy cooking but can’t stand the planning, purchasing and cleaning process involved with it.
• I can talk myself out of almost any purchase.
• I always avoided lead singers (megalomaniacs) and suggest my girls do the same.  Guys in bands make great ex boyfriends. Unless they are lead singers. Or drummers. Shudder.

• I might be the worlds worst housekeeper. Okay, not the worst. But probably close. Pretty girls should not have to clean (a joke people).
• I believe that New Orleans is one of the most amazing places on the planet. It smells like a history book, the air is charged with magic and the humidity at night has a sultry edge to it. You should go there.
• I believe the eternal glass is definitely half-full. Life is too good and too short to think otherwise.
• I love the vintage stuff and wish I could pull off wearing vintage without looking nuts.
• I think that the sound of practicing saxophone is one of the worst sounds EVER.

xoxo